run to the lights of the city

i can download hundreds of unknowns and remixes from music blogs but at the end of the day i need my cut copy. i'm in a really weird place right now. hoping weird doesn't become dark but there are some academic issues weighing on me, per usual. it was easier when i had my laptop working with my 50 sticky note lists. i had such a long list of good words and phrases and then last night i called my friend crotchety and cantankerous and had nowhere to write it. i may go back to writing lists in my moleskine or even put them on here. *shrug*. i'm not saying i'm sad right now but the last time i failed a class it was really hard to find myself again. but then again, i've been through this before, i can do it again. and i have all these lists of fun things and exciting things forming in my head and in the margins of my sudoku book. the lists remind me i have so much fun stuff i could be doing. i've been home over a week now and haven't hung out with any friends. not a single one. i guess i'm punishing myself. aren't i always? i have this paper and it's 2 weeks overdue and grades are already in so there's really no point in me writing it but i'm not letting myself have fun until i write it and send it off with an apologetic email. the worst is that i really liked the class it was for and now ive probably failed it. i can be such an impulsive child when it comes to my schoolwork. hey, at least i know that and can try like hell to fix it. this adds to my list of reasons to change my life plan around and not attend law school. law school is for people who love to study. i just love to argue. i can't even think that far ahead. i'm taking it one hour at a time in my attempt to do this paper that won't count for anything anyway. hopefully at least the professor will see i cared so if/when i want to retake it he doesnt think i'm a complete goof-off... am i living in a "fantasy world" as my dad would call it? it's kinda sad how i can't talk to him anymore about academic stuff. i really could use his pushing but it leads to huge tension and he stresses himself out over my homework. i see no quick fixes here. all i know is when it comes to this end of semester bomb i feel ashamed. very ashamed. i wonder how i can redeem myself. perhaps an extended sobriety and/or a summer course. well, looks like i def need a summer course to make up credits, which will cut into my photo class plans at least financially if not also in scheduling. there are bugs EVERYWHERE in my room. i have a moth problem and i just killed a huge fly and while i was at school an ant colony invaded the bathroom and now has moved to my room. i keep myself very clean and my room very dirty. perhaps because i've always had cleaning ladies. i hate it i try to tell them not to come in my room. i feel like im living in a hotel often. all my personal things are hidden to declutter and nothing feels permanent so i try to make a nest where there may not be a place for everything but everything's in it's place and i don't find my external hard drive in my clothing closet like i did this week. i know this may sound really spoiled of me to complain about having someone clean my room but until it's forced on you, you don't know how uncomfortable it can be. i'll make my own bed for half their pay, how's that dad? once i deal with the ants. once i deal with this paper. and then i can take a deep breath and dive into my lists of projects. that is going to feel so amazing. motivation enough to work on it right now! i got my bowl of kashi and soy milk drizzled in honey and cut copy on repeat =)



Strangers in the Wind - Cut Copy

, originally uploaded by beaf.

These hands
Like strangers in the wind
These eyes
Float in the breeze
These hands
Like strangers in the wind
This voice
Calling to me
These hands
Like strangers in the wind
These eyes
Float in the breeze

, originally uploaded by ffîon.

Run to the lights of the city
These moments pass and we'll be there
(And she looks good)
Run to the lights of the city
(And she looks good)
This dance will last us forever
Forever

a shadow of my former self., originally uploaded by justinsdisgustin.

You could stay for what you came here for
A daze is what you're falling for
You could stay for what you came here for
A daze is what you're falling for
You could stay for what you came here for
A daze is what you're falling for
You could stay for what you came here for
A daze is what you're falling for

, originally uploaded by petite.nordique.

Run to the lights of the city
These moments pass and we'll be there
(And she looks good)
Run to the lights of the city
(And she looks good)
This dance will last us forever
Forever

This dance will last us forever
This dance will last us forever

look, originally uploaded by d.rimms.