Wednesday, March 24, 2010

talking to myself

soon, so soon i will have access to a darkroom again. i am so excited. i have a sack of film waiting at home for me with about fifty rolls (all kodak b&w 400) and several more in my purse that i shot over spring break. processing that film will feel like going back in time. some of it i shot over a year ago and some is from last night. this year i wanted to be shooting a whole roll every day. that just hasnt happened. i am behind in my school work (in fact that's what i should be doing now) and it's been so cold and dark. but not for long. as the days get longer and warmer i've been bringing my camera everywhere again. i love it so much. one of these days i'd like to finally not have a backlog of work: processing, making contact sheets, printing, scanning, it's all so tedious. it's also such a shame to me that i have only scanned 5 of my b&w prints and that they are improperly stored at the moment in a huge stack in a closet somewhere. not that they are even such high quality prints but those are my memories. i have always craved the ability to keep a written record of my life but i have started several diaries and never filled them. i wonder if i should start a blog anonymously to just share my life. not that my life is so fascinating that everyone should read about it but then some days it is. and some days it's awful and some days it's glorious but i want to capture it all, the good and the bad. not to bottle up the memories and dwell on them but quite the opposite. i feel like when something's written down i can relax and forget about it and move on with my life (perhaps also why i'm bad at keeping daily planners for my work and appointments). perhaps i will write on here more but i feel like if i want to make a stink about something, i don't want anyone close to me to be on here reading about it. not that really anyone is even reading this blog. i'm getting like one hit per day. how about some feedback people? do you come for the photos? the tunes? would you like more chatter? i don't feel motivated enough to post regularly lately but i don't want this blog to be another diary that bites the dust. especially when there is so much great music and photography out there. and really, even though i don't openly post my thoughts often, they are there in the songs. each one has significance. most are dedicated to people, places, events. and how much more detail do i want to log beyond the general feeling i was having when i posted something? it certainly could become a self-indulgent pity party if, for example, i were to write about my recent breakup and the hurt and the insomnia that have followed. i like to collect evidence for later to prove that i was right but at the same time that seems petty and immature to post online. so maybe another, more anonymous blog is the way to go. or maybe i should go back to good old pen and paper. or maybe just keep posting songs and photos and painting a hazy map of my life to look back on.


zefeijo said...

I have several unfinished diaries too. I know how difficult to deal with judgement, from others and specially ourselfs. But the truth is we need to practice our sense of aesthetics. And you do it in a beautiful way... Keep up with the blog! :)

Genevieve Snow said...

aw thank you zefeijo. i needed that =)